"Negativities in life are essential for only in subtracting you can make a difference..."
That is how I started my introduction for the last pageant I have joined.
13 years ago, I was this unattractive child whom my neighbors love to bully. I was small, thin, and scarred. My dark complexion has added more nightmare to my childhood experience. At three years old, I often stayed at home crying. Nobody wants to play with me because, for them, I am ugly. I've been called names such as "bakekang", "negrita", "ulikba" and etc.
Some people may see that as just a joke for fun but, for a three year old whose beliefs and self-identity was just built from what other people tell her about who she is --- it is very heartbreaking. It is self-destructive. Since then, I began to believe that I am a really ugly creature. I may not be human being to their eyes. It was tough, that for more than a decade I spent countless nights crying to sleep for thinking I am look awful.
That's why I tried my very best to be the best in everything so that people would love me. I thought that being smart at least, would compensate for my physical appearance but, it does not. I still hear people telling me that "matalino ka lang, 'di ka maganda." And so I did everything to be beautiful. I studied about skincare, makeup and fashion. I've spent a lot of time, money and effort to be at least called 'beautiful enough'.
After all those years, I woke up from that lie. I have always been beautiful and they have always been blind. I am more than enough.
Last year, I muster up all my courage and joined a pageant. And guess what? I won. I am runner-up. I was able to stand there at the stage victoriously. For the first time in my life, I have felt like I'm a princess. I am more than just brains. I am also a beauty.